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The Sexual Process

All sexual activities are a part of a process that has been studied and clearly defined. The process begins with attraction. This attraction can be triggered by either a physical attraction or by a spiritual attraction. That attraction triggers a desire for a relationship and then physical contact. That attraction becomes an arousal with any initial contact between two people who are attracted to each other. This initial contact can be anything ranging from a glance to a conversation to some physical contact. When this arousal takes place, the process has already begun. As the level of comfort and trust grow, so does the intensity of the physical contact. Holding hands leads to an arm around the shoulder. An arm around the shoulder leads to an arm around the waist. An arm around the waist leads to kissing, which leads to petting, and so on. Among other lies, popular teaching today tells a teen to know when to stop, but the problem is that sexuality is a process that was never intended to stop. Trying to stop the sexual process only creates a greater desire to complete the process. This desire cannot be legitimately fulfilled outside of marriage and therefore leads to a temptation to sin, if not the sin itself. God’s plan is that the relationship be built on a solid foundation of trust and devotion that is demonstrated through the union of marriage.

But at what point has a sexual sin occurred? That really is the question, right? Since Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “…whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart…” we must conclude that the sexual sin occurs when the illegitimate desire for physical contact occurs. Clearly Jesus’ statement in Matthew 5:28 applies to someone just looking at another person. If a sexual sin can occur just from looking at someone, it can also occur as a result of any physical contact. In fact, physical contact is a clear trigger for sexual desire. This is why Paul was inspired to write in 1 Corinthians 7:1 “…It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” However, just as physical contact is a trigger for sexual desire, it is also a means of fulfillment as well as an indication that the illegitimate desire is present. Paul further explains saying that every woman should have her own husband to avoid fornication. Have you ever wondered why, at a wedding, the preacher tells the groom, “You may now kiss your bride”? Paul has set the standard for us. There should be no physical contact between a dating couple before they are married.

During one summer, there were four teens in our youth group: two girls and two guys. Let’s call them Dan, Mark, Anne and Sue. Of course, these are not their real names. Both of the guys claimed to be called to preach, and demonstrated a keen ability to preach. Dan found out about a birthday gift that Sue was planning to give him – a kiss. Later that night, he asked for his birthday present and she gave it to him. A few minutes later, Anne and Dan sat in the back seat of a car watching Sue and Mark in a passionate embrace. Now several years later, three of the four have had illegitimate children, two of the four have already been married and divorced, three of the four have been heavily involved in drugs and alcohol. And one still struggles to this day with her walk with God. Was all of this the result of the one kiss? No, not completely, but the one kiss was a match dropped in a sea of gasoline that was the unrestrained emotions of four teenagers.

Another aspect of purity is a pure heart. As we saw above, Matthew 5:28 clearly shows us that purity is also a condition of the heart. Guys are especially prone to the corruption of the heart through their eyes – what they see. Matthew 5:28 deals with this directly saying “…whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Guys need to be aware of this weakness and avoid the times when they are vulnerable to being defiled, but a large portion of the blame lies with the girls. When a girl is immodestly dressed, she is tempting the guys around her to sin with her in their hearts. Leviticus 18:6-18 deals with God’s direction against inappropriate nakedness and Isaiah 47:2-3 defines nakedness as revealing the thigh:

Isaiah 47:2-3 “Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man”

There is much more to being immodest than just nakedness. Immodest dress is any kind or style of dress that either draws attention to the body or causes another person to have a sexual desire.

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